What does love have to do with systems?
Posted on November 1, 2013 | posted by:
Here I am, sitting on my couch and listening to Sarah Vaughan’s hypnotizing, velvety voice from her vinyl on a Thursday night. It is after midnight and I am accompanied by a glass of nice merlot.
I want to write something about systems thinking and design but the music and Sarah’s immaculate tone does not allow me to concentrate on anything else. The name of the song is ‘Comes Love’ and the following lyrics trickle down from her:
Comes a rainstorm
Put your rubbers on your feet
Comes a snowstorm
You can get a little heat
Comes love
Nothing can be done
Comes a fire
Then you know just what to do
Blow a tire
You can buy another shoe
Comes love
Nothing can be done
Don’t try hiding
‘Cause there isn’t any use
You’ll start sliding
When your heart turns on the juice
Comes a headache
You can lose it in a day
Comes a toothache
See your dentist right away
Comes love
Nothing can be done
Comes a heatwave
You can hurry to the shore
Comes a summons
You can hide behind the door
Comes love
Nothing can be done
Comes the measles
You can quarantine a room
Comes a mousy
You can chase it with a broom
Comes love
Nothing can be done
That’s all, brother
If you ever been in love
That’s all, brother
You know what I’m speaking of
Comes a nightmare
You can always stay awake
Comes depression
You may get another break
Comes love
Nothing can be done
Comes love
Nothing can be done
Comes love
Nothing can be done
Comes love
Comes love
Comes love
Comes love
Beautiful song… Really..
Suddenly I ask myself isn’t love a system too? How about writing about that? How does it behave as a system? I try to remember what Meadows explained in her book ‘Thinking in Systems’. Suddenly, questions and thoughts start to literally pour from my mind:
What are the other systems is the love between two people interacts with? Physical bodies? Weather? Society? Family? Books? Movies? Hollywood?
What are the leverage points of this system?
What are the parameters and numbers? How many hours do you see each other? The number of discussions you have? The amounts of money both have? Education?
What are the feedback loops? How do lovers understand positive and negative emotions? Facial expressions? Tone of voice? And god, how hard it is to really understand the exact feeling.. is it even possible?
What are the rules of the system? What are the incentives? Caring? Being cared for? Emotional reward?
What are the goals of the system? A happy life? But what is a happy life? Is there only one? How do your and your partners visions of happy life converge? Or diverge?
What are the paradigms in this system? Who controls the relationship when? What are the underlying assumptions of each partner? Cultural norms?
It gets more and more complex. I tell to myself that if Rittel and Webber would see me they would say that this is a perfect example of a wicked system.
To tell you the truth, I do not know all the answers to these questions. But this is actually not the point anyway. The point is even when I try to look at a very intangible concept of emotions – love – as a system, how many insights I get in not more than twenty minutes.
Who knows if really nothing can be done when love comes as Sarah Vaughan sings, but it is worth to try to understand at least.
Anyway, I am going back to listening and not thinking about systems for now..